INTEGRITY:

In addition I acknowledge and congratulate those who have the courage to not only identify their foundational mindset; but, then live the life that is outlined by this knowledge.  These persons inspire me.

Of all criminal offenses, Americans have determined these criminal acts to be unforgivable and that those who have committed these crimes are incapable of change.  The latest studies regarding treatment for those who have offended in sexual ways offer amazing statistics strongly indicating that this is a treatable issue!  And it is not the unforgivable sin!

Do not be discouraged by your past mistakes.  Do not define yourself by your past mistakes!  All of us – every person walking this Earth has a past… has thought, felt, and done things that are wrong.. that make us feel terribly guilty.  If we WILL, we can put those things behind us and move forward with love; with a determined self-discipline that will insure an incredibly improved and worthwhile life!  Do not give in to negative thoughts.  Do not listen when someone speaks judgmentally about you or someone else who has committed a sexual offense.  Yes, you will hear what they say, yet you do not have to accept what they are saying as the gospel.  None of us should judge someone else’s mistakes; therefore, we must not judge others who judge our past.  Move forward with forgiveness and love, putting yourself in a positive frame of mind regardless of what others are saying.

You are a valuable person.  You have something to offer this world and something to teach others.  Be that person who learns from their mistakes and goes forward with the attitude of living a lifestyle that is like that of a beautiful candle.  Your lifestyle can shine like a light, even if you do not speak your truth.  Your actions speak so much louder than your words ever can.  Live that life that shows the Love, forgiveness and gentleness of God.  For those of you who are so inclined – speak your truth when you believe the time is right.  You do not have to defend yourself – your past is behind you!  Your present good life will prove that your past does not rule your future .. it does not rule your present!

There are few things more encouraging than a person who has made a major change in their life.. someone who has chosen a different path and is walking that path without embarrassment or fear.  Walk your new path with true humility, knowing that the light of your change will shine forth as you go forward.

God bless you on your new path or may He guide you to your new path today,

Macky

June 28, 2008 by emptynomore | Edit

Emptiness tops the list on all the posts that have been written (and that have been read) on this site. Emptiness…feeling empty is a common “sickness” with the majority of people I talk to. If it were a disease, I would say that it is an epidemic in our society. This feeling of emptiness is causing much sadness, increased clinical depression, decreased satisfaction of once loved jobs and hobbies, inability to enjoy the simple pleasures of life, difficulty in communication with friends and work associates, and many many more difficulties.

In my work, I deal with this symptom every day. In previous writings, I have attempted to explain what is happening or not happening in the life of someone who feels “empty.” When we say the word, “empty,” it quickly lets us know that “something” is missing. Something is missing or the feeling would not be the sense that something important (something that it seems like most other people have) is just not there in your life.

I believe that in my writings the most accurate explanation I have given and what I believe is the core problem which causes this feeling of being empty is the lack of purpose in life. In other words, people feel empty when they are not sure of the direction their life is taking. Or they know the direction and are deeply disappointed about it – perhaps they have not reached this goal or are experiencing roadblocks along the way of achieving this goal. This lack of purpose and direction takes into account those BIG areas of relationships (family, friends, and romance); also job availability/educational options.

I do not normally “go in for” quick fixes; however, sometimes we need to get a little spark of “hope” to carry us through while we are making a plan that will lead to a fulfilling purpose(s) and to create more magic in the relationships that…yes…fill those empty spaces. Do not forget that this plan is the ultimate goal!!

NUMBER ONE: Reconnect with a family member or friend that you have lost touch with. It is better if you can reconnect with someone who is close enough that you can get together. Whatever the reason you disconnected…be willing to let the past be in the past. Do not rehash any old disagreement. Start new! Apologize if it is the right thing to do. Forgive if that is the right thing to do. Choose someone that you and s/he have connected well with in the past.

NUMBER TWO: If you have someone to do this with you – good. But it can be done alone and be just as effective! If you are not satisfied with your job – go get the want ads from the newspapers in your area. And depending on your lifestyle…you may even dare to consider a relocation!! If you need more education or training – go to the nearest college (or with relocation in mind) choose college or training in a different part of the state or country. Check things out in areas that you are truly interested in. By the way…I went completely through college and graduate school on scholarships..ending up paying for only ONE semester. IT CAN BE DONE!

NUMBER THREE: Everyone needs to define their belief system. Get comfortable and ready to put your mind in gear. Fill in this sentence as many times as you can: “I believe that _____.” These statements can be as short or as long as you want/need them to be. The goal is not how many things you can name…it is your ability to write down those things that you really feel strongly about. Remember that our belief systems grow as we grow – not many beliefs are “written in cement!” It is amazing how many people go through life not having defined the things they actually believe…things that are important in their lives…not having understood their morals and ethics. Starting to know these things about yourself will lift your spirits!  There are not many more things in life that are more important than defining who you are – not depending on what other people think or say about you.  Define yourself!!

NUMBER FOUR: Regardless of time of day or night…regardless of weather conditions (unless it would be dangerous), go outside and find the beauty in nature.  If you are in a crowded city…look up.  Look at the sky whether day or night…find the beauty.  Grass, trees, bushes, flowers…even bugs!  Contemplate two things that seem like opposites:  think how simple nature is and then…think how complex nature is!  As you allow your mind to dwell in these two places with Nature…your own troubles will become smaller in your mind.  Nature has a powerful healing force.  When I have a headache, I go outside and study nature and just breathe…

NUMBER FIVE: Take a long warm bath!   Play your favorite music while you tend to taking care of and cleansing your body – that living frame that carries you around on this Earth!  Depending on YOUR frame of mind, play the kind of music that will create the right atmosphere for you to cleanse your inside as well:  At times, I play music that is slow and even somewhat melancholy…these are the times I allow myself to cry.  There is no better place to have that cleansing cry than in the bathtub or shower.  Let the tears flow – get it all out.  Real men cry…women too.  Sometimes we release anger when it is actually despair / sadness that needs to be released.  Other times, I will play energizing music and sing along – even though I don’t sing well!  Make the music work for you…to release pent up sadness – or – give yourself a jazzy fix with energizing tunes.

NUMBER SIX: Move!  To the extent you are able to do it safely:  MOVE!  Get off your backside and take a walk.  Again…you will be out in nature and when you add movement,  you will actually change the chemistry in your body!  Weather too bad for a walk?  Walk around your house for 10 to 30 minutes!  Add music if you like…clean up around the house if you like – but MOVE!  If you are not allowed out of bed due to a physical condition…move whatever you can: arms, legs, fingers, or facial movements!  NOW:  after your movement – whatever it was:  look at yourself in the mirror and smile at yourself for at least one minute- DO IT !  Write your thoughts down after you have moved and smiled!  It would be interesting to write down your thought before and after your “move and smile” routine.

NUMBER SEVEN: I believe I have saved the best for last; though, you might hesitate to do this.  This is the most humbling of things to experience but can be THE THING / THE BEHAVIOR that can help you break through your feelings of emptiness:  find or make a clean place…a private place and lay on the floor on your face.  If you are uncomfortable, use a pillow, but the point is – to humble yourself before God.  The Bible tells us to “seek His face.”  Let your mind be quiet and listen.  He knows what you need.  Listen for the answer.  Answers can come in many different forms:  a thought may enter your mind; a “picture” may enter your mind; a course of action may present itself.  Again, the point is:  humble yourself…surrender all your “power and control” to He who does have absolute power.  You will receive some kind of answer – within yourself…from others…from something you hear or read.  God loves you.

I am sitting here…hoping that you will take the time and expend the effort to do these simple things. You are worth it. Let me know how it works out for you. I would be pleased to hear from those of you who get back into the stream of a life that brings fulfillment and joy.  Remember, we all have ups and downs.  Have these simple but powerful tools ready when your down times occur.

Daniel 10:12:  Then he said to me, Fear not, Daniel, for from the first day that you set your mind and heart to understand and to humble yourself before your God, your words were heard, and I have come as a consequence of [and in response to] your words.

Micah 6:8:  He has showed you, O man, what is good. And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, and to love kindness and mercy, and to humble yourself and walk humbly with your God? [Deut 10:12, 13 )

Romans 12:16:  Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty (snobbish, high-minded, exclusive), but readily adjust yourself to [people, things] and give yourselves to humble tasks. Never overestimate yourself or be wise in your own conceits. [Prov 3:7 ]

Wishing you fulfillment, humility, wisdom and peace,

Macky

Because I have been involved in the field of mental health for nearly 30 years…I KNOW some things about people’s responses to “Self-Help” writings, such as this article.  ARE YOU PREPARED FOR SOME TRUTH…SOME TRUTH THAT MAY HURT BUT WILL THEN BE HELPFUL?????

MOST OF YOU ARE NOT DOING ANYTHING POSITIVE TO HELP YOURSELF. You read these suggestions that CAN help and then you continue in your old ways or continue to sit in your misery.

There is a story that will help you to understand why you do this…why you do not take steps to help yourself.  READ THIS SHORT STORY!  There was a bird flying south for the winter, but he became very cold and began to doubt he could make it.  He decided to “take a break” and he landed in a pile of cow manure.  “OH MAN…what a mess I’m in now…I thought I had trouble before but now look where I am – sticky mess….and oh Lordy…the smell…I can’t stand this!”  The bird started to struggle to get free of the mess when he noticed some seeds were in the manure also…he ate a few and after a very bad first taste – he found the seed was good enough to eat.  Then as he continued to struggle to free himself…he noticed how warm the slimy mess was.  “Hmmm,” thought the bird, I will just rest a while and warm up.  It wasn’t long until he didn’t notice the bitter taste of the seeds and after a while, he didn’t even notice the smell.”  Thus…he began his life of jumping from one pile of manure to another and forgot his goal of flying south.  He became accustomed / “used to” AND even comfortable in his pile of manure…

ARE YOU JUMPING FROM ONE PILE TO ANOTHER? Have you forgotten your purpose in life and you now don’t even notice that your life stinks?

I realize that as we continue down a bad path – WE DO NOT STAY IN THE MESS BECAUSE WE LIKE IT – WE ARE MERELY USED TO IT and have lost our passion to reach our goals in life.  Some of you have not even established any goals!!!  What will it take for you to crawl out of your pile and rediscover life – or discover a good life for the first time?!  You MUST be willing to TAKE SOME ACTION on your own.  For most of us – there is no Superman who will come along and rescue us!  It is OUR responsibility to take a stand and improve our life…improve our circumstances!  Stop waiting for your hero – he or she is not coming.  Our True Hope in is our Lord GOD and no man or woman on this Earth can continually sustain us…even if we want to be taken care of.  Remember when Jesus said, “Pick up your bed and walk!”  It is time for you to move forward.

I believe that each of us know what the “next step” is that we need to take.  I don’t know your personal circumstances, but I know this:  when I sit and talk to people .. people who have serious problems – 99% of those persons already KNOW what they need to do to help themselves!!  This is the truth!  People who have been in a lot of pain or depression have gotten bogged down and have lost the will to pull themselves up and out of their mess.  Is this you?

Renew your HOPE!  Renew your BELIEF that you can be successful in your attempt to make your life better!  Take action now!  You know what to do…do it with the strength of the Lord and your own determination!  Trust that God is in full control.  Surrender to Him completely and then take action!

Passage Romans 8:28: And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Loving Him, loving you,

Macky

Emptiness is a chronic condition in our society.  There are many reasons for this and those things need to be addressed, but I have decided to discuss SOLUTIONS, actually one primary solution, in this writing today and at another time, I will talk about and explain many of the reasons we feel empty.  For your information, this feeling of emptiness is experienced by all ages, all races. both men and women, married, divorced, rich, poor…you name it.

The Solution:  TRUTH

I need to explain.  When you decide that TRUTH IS NOT OPTIONAL in your life…in other words, when you decide that you will tell the truth regardless of who you are talking to or the subject you are talking about….you will begin to feel a sense of freedom that you have never experienced before.  Let me interrupt myself to say this:  we must use Wisdom as we live the life of truth.  There are times when we should say to someone, “I want to speak with you about this, but this is not the right time for me to tell you my truth. ”  Using wisdom, you will sense / discern those times when it is not the right time to talk about certain subjects.  There have been times when someone asks me a question about a sensitive issue and I have an immediate response in my mind; however, I know that it is the wrong time for me to speak…it is perhaps a subject that I need to think about more thoroughly or perhaps I need to wait until the circumstances are better for the two of us to sit down and discuss a sensitive subject.  Telling the truth does not mean that a person just blurts out whatever they are thinking!  That type of “truth telling” can cause more harm than good.  Again, use wisdom.  You can tell someone, “I want to think about this some more.” 

And what if someone you know confronts you with their truth about something you have said or done?  Isn’t your first response to throw up your defenses and justify yourself??  Draw back friend.  Wisdom, again, is your saving grace.  Swallow your pride (God hates pride!) and ask the person who has confronted you for some time to think about what they have said.  You can say, “I want to think about what you have told me for a while (you decide how much time…an hour…a day…a week) and then we will discuss it.”  If you feel hurt or angry, excuse yourself politely.  You then go to your “thinking place” and you get honest with yourself.  This is sometimes, often times, the hardest Truth…those things we tell ourselves.

I have learned to look forward to confrontations – that’s the truth!  I look forward to it because I know I may have an opportunity to see myself through someone else’s eyes.  A word of caution:  I do not dwell on just anyone’s opinions about me.  I contemplate only those opinions and viewpoints of persons I trust.  There are always people out there who will have a goal of merely causing you pain.  Be discerning and consider only those things from those persons you trust.

Don’t expect to find a great number of people who will join you on this lifestyle of Truth.  Sadly, most people walk around with “walls of defense” around them.  But when you find those special people who are like-minded - those who stand on their truth and integrity – hold on to them.  Honor and love them.

I feel so good and so “full” when I have had communication with someone “without walls.”  I feel genuine and I feel blessed.  Do not think that another flesh and blood person is the only way to experience this fullness of communication.  Dear friends, talk to God…tell Him all and I know He will lead you to others who also depend on Him – which is depending on the truth!

“And you will know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free.”  John 8:32

May you know His Truth and find His people of Truth,

Macky

If you will take some time and think / consider what this Word of God is saying – you will be blessed and uplifted!!  I cannot be “beautiful” ALL the time…but I can be beautiful (this is not just beauty in appearance, but also beauty glowing from His presence from within our earthly bodies!) in His timing.  God loves us so much and He knows that there are times we feel down, rejected, ugly in looks or attitude…and He gives us the assurance that in His timing we have been / are / and will be “beautiful” !!  When we glow with inner happiness, when we know our “purpose” in life and are busy making this purpose happen – we are beautiful!  And only God can satisfy our deep inner longings…  Do not waste your time chasing “quick fixes” to feel good – what a waste of your time and the beauty He has given you.  Search out this scripture…in fact, read Ecclesiastes 3:1 – 11 and focus your attention on what this means in your life.

Have a BEAUTIFUL and blessed day,

Macky

If you are feeling down – for any reason, I wanted to write this little note to say Good Night…a really GOOD night to my friends, or if it is an early morning hour…Good morning.  I’m thinking of you.  Yes you…all of you who think that life is just too hard.  Well I have good news for you.  There is a wonderful verse in the Bible that says,

 2 Corinthians 12:10:
“So for the sake of Christ, I am well pleased and take pleasure in infirmities, insults, hardships, persecutions, perplexities and distresses; for when I am weak [^[a]in human strength], then am I [truly] strong (able, powerful ^[b]in divine strength).”

When I am weak, then He is strong!  How great is that?  It does not mean we should not try to be self-sufficient and work hard…but it assures us that during those times when we are down – HE LIFTS US UP!

Praise Him whatever you are doing,

Macky

One of my random thoughts as I have gone through this day is this mantra (quote) that we used in our Treatment Group with the men who were/are incarcerated:  “Truth is not optional.”  There is only one other cornerstone that I believe preceeds the importance of living out this important “life instruction.”  We must begin by building our character on The Cornerstone – Jesus Christ.  I believe He is the Son of God and He is the Lord of my life.  His Word, the Holy Bible is my book of “Policies and Procedures.”  It almost sounds funny to me because we had rows and rows of manuals of Policies and Procedures when I worked for the Department of Corrections.  God’s book of P & P is much more to the point and requires no updates!

So, just to say this – starting first with Salvation – that is, accepting Jesus Christ as your Lord…some people say now what?  You must then build your Christian character and one of the major foundation pieces of your character is Truth.  Can you go through the day telling the whole and complete truth…without any minimization nor any maximizing…even a little bitty bit?  If you can’t…why not?  What is the worst thing that could happen to you if you spent the rest of your life speaking only T R U T H ??  To answer that, we have to ask ourselves why we lie to begin with…  Most people lie because they have a low opinion of themselves (even if they don’t realize it…even if they act arrogant) and because of this low self esteem – people make their stories a “little more colorful,” “a little more exciting,” or “a little more impressive.”  Why isn’t who we really are good enough?  Think about this.

My friends…Truth is NOT optional in a life of integrity.  God bless you.

“But when He, the Spirit of Truth (the Truth-giving Spirit) comes, He will guide you into all the Truth (the whole, full Truth). For He will not speak His own message [on His own authority]; but He will tell whatever He hears [from the Father; He will give the message that has been given to Him], and He will announce and declare to you the things that are to come [that will happen in the future].” John 16:13

That’s quite an awesome word that Jesus left for us!!

Macky

I was reading Proverbs 11 this morning and came to verse 29: “He who troubles his own house shall inherit the wind…”

Okay, first we know there are MANY different ways to “trouble our own house.”  And I believe that this verse does not just refer to the physical structure of the house but also the people we live with…our family and at times, friends are abiding with us!  I will make a list of things I could do to “trouble my own house” and you can add your own thoughts:  1) I could be impatient with my spouse or with my family members / friends; 2) I could start arguments and always think I have to be right!  3) I could isolate myself and ignore everyone; 3)  I could become physically violent or engage in other worse kinds of violence; 4)  I could be lazy and let my physical house become dirty, broken-down and an eye sore in the neighborhood.  The list is endless.  And what do I get?  For all of the above behaviors, the Bible says I will inherit the wind…  wow… not much I can do with that…in fact there is NOTHING I can do with that for God controls the wind.  Only kind, gentle and loving behaviors create lifestyles that will cause us to inherit what God wants us to have:  a loving family, good friends, a good attitude, optimism during those times that would otherwise sadden us.

May only the soothing breezes pass your way and may God grant you a gentle heart and good health,

Macky

As I have referred to in past posts, the Department of Corrections in the state in which I live has been closing Programs in the Prison System.  Programs – in most prisons are a major light at the end of the tunnel…Programs have been one of the major tools with which a man can begin to reclaim his life as he walks out of the gate of his incarceration.  Within the next several years, men will be walking out of the prisons in my state without some of the major tools that could help him.  But all is not lost!  Stay with me…

As Director of one of the major Programs (Sexual Offenses), I lost my position about two weeks ago.  I admit to all who read these words that I am walking around in a fog.  I finally broke down today and said it out loud – “I don’t know who I am without my job.”  I spoke to a family member and then with a dear friend – bearing my soul…talking about how I feel and how I don’t feel anymore.  Yes, I have plans but I am caught in the middle right now.  I am no longer the Director of the Program…I no longer share lessons and listen to the internal and external feelings of the men I treated.  In short, I feel sad and lost.  I don’t feel that I have a platform to continue the calling that God has put in my life…which means I do not (at this time) have a way to reach out and offer the help that I used to do everyday.

I am thinking and comparing the way I feel with the way a man may feel when he is given his freedom.  Most people would think, “What could possibly be sad or depressing about FREEDOM?”  But, I know many men who are now free and I have spoken to them as they have plowed their way through the first few weeks, months, and even years of freedom.  Many have left behind very good friends in prison!  And in our state, and I believe in the whole United States, the men who have been released may not gather together – it is seen by society’s laws as a risky and a dangerous thing for two or more felons to be together for any reason.  Therefore, most newly free men are faced with old friends who do not know or understand them anymore.  The men who have had intensive Treatment can not risk getting involved in their “old crowds/gangs.”  They would be tempted to go back to their old habits…they would be jeopardizing their newly attained freedom.  So, I am definitely encouraging you newly free (treated/changed) men to create a new niche for yourself in society.  You see?  In some ways, you and I are in the same boat!

We are at a point in our lives where we must recreate ourselves!  Let’s go over a few things that can be helpful…things I am doing myself:

1)  Give yourself time to become accustomed to your freedom.  Be gentle with yourself.  If you feel panicy – it is okay to have a little alone time – but not too much or it will become isolation.  It might be good to keep a journal of how you are feeling each day, rating your feelings on a scale of 1 – 10 – “10″ being the best you can feel and “1″ being the worst.  Write down things you notice that are different and talk about or write down your opinions if the differences are things you like or don’t like.  Be aware that you may change your mind with time.  Share your journal with a trusted family member or trusted friend.

2) Maybe you don’t have any family members or trusted friends?  I can understand that too because I have moved to a different community.  I am the new person and am not close to anyone yet.  But I am going to a church and you can too!  I do suggest that you speak with the pastor of the church and let him know your situation so that he/she will not have any surprises and he/she will respect you for being forthright.  If one church does not want you to attend…go to another church.  Let me tell you something…I am preparing to talk to the Pastor of a church I am going to and tell him what my calling/ministry is (working with prisoners / men who have been in prison / men who have committed sexual offenses in their past.  He may not be pleased with what I tell him and I know that there is a chance that he will at least ask me if I intend to invite any of my “clients,” or friends who have been incarcerated into the church.  I will say, “Absolutely, I intend to invite them to church.”  If he lets me know that they would not be welcome – you can know that I will attend another church…and then another…until I find a Pastor who loves ALL God’s children.  I will be patient and I want you to be patient too.  I am facing rejection – not quite the same as you – but rejection nonetheless.  We can endure!!

3)  If you have to go to work right away, I understand – we need money to live!  Don’t look down on yourself if you work physical labor or fast food.  My friends – this is honest labor and it will help you to start a new schedule…a good schedule of working…making a living!

4)  Want to do different work?  Look into tech schools and some of you can go to college.  Hey – I didn’t start college until I was over 30!  And I have a friend who did not go to college until she was in her late 50′s.  She started working as a Therapist when she was 65 years old!  She was one of the best Therapists I have ever known.  The more mature students in tech or college usually do better anyway! 

5)  You won’t like this suggestion, but here goes anyway:  don’t be in a hurry to get involved romantically.  You are going through a lot of changes and this is not a good time to focus on a romantic relationship.  You don’t want to make a hasty marriage that may not work out…I have seen this happen.  Instead, let your goal be to make friends…good friends…both male and female.  Let the ladies know that you are not going to get involved in a romantic relationship for quite a while but let them know that you would really enjoy good friendships.  And who knows…later down the road, one of these good friends may be “the one” you will spend your life with.  This is the very best way to find a marriage partner – to be good friends first…knowing the good, the bad, the quirks, all those things that could drive you crazy later!  Find these things out in a good friendship.

6)  I think all men (or women) who have been released from prison require “aftercare” Therapy for a few months…while the newly free man is adjusting to life.  It is so comforting to know that you have someone who will tell you the complete truth and someone who will challenge you to live your best life…your Good Life. 

7)  Pray my dear friends and make solid goals for your life!  Live your life doing good for others and all will be blessed!

As you can see, there are many different situations that can make a person feel lost.  Let’s work together…encourage each other and find the joy and blessings in rebuilding your life.  I will be rebuilding my life and I will be happy to share my progress with you!

May God watch over all of us as we go through these changes!

Macky