My Oreo Has No Filling

I have a friend who is very bright and a lot of fun to be around.  You would not know she lives with a Problem that she keeps secret.  She lives her life “wearing an invisible mask” that will disguise her true emotions.  I think that she has a belief that: if people know the “real her – the imperfect her” that no one will like her.  She has (to this point) doomed her life to being the “actress” in the movie of her own life.  And she is acting out a story of lies…  I am hoping / praying that she will discover the freedom of living a transparent life…being herself.  This is true Freedom.

How do I know about it?  I am a Licensed Therapist and I have known her many years.  I approached her one day a couple of years ago and explained to her that I could see that she was not the “happy” person that she wanted everyone to think she was.  I had chosen the situation, timing and the place carefully and she broke down and started telling me about her life.  We will call her Jojo.

Her family and friends see her living her life in a responsible way/going to and from a job she seems to really enjoy and proclaiming her Christianity and living her life according to the Good Book.  She attends family functions where she laughs and talks with everyone.  One area; however, that appeared to be somewhat problematic is that she has never been very social – yet when being social was unavoidable – she carried it off well.

Jojo lives with a personal dilemma that is emotionally, psychologically and sometimes physically painful.  It is a dilemma that I have encountered many times before and because she is a friend, I have asked her if she will allow me to tell a small part of her story…with her help.  She is not a “writer;” therefore, she will trust me to do the writing and she will do a great deal of telling me where to make changes!  As I sit with her and we write about these mindsets that appear to be controlling her life…which includes her belief system to which she clings but secretly lacks Faith (She did not like that “lack of Faith” remark – but she says she must agree – and a tear rolls down her sweet face) and the lack of trust in people that has (in her opinion and in her words) – stolen her happiness.

Jojo lives with continuous anxiety and depression. One doctor also put two possible additional diagnoses in her file: anhedonia (the inability to experience pleasure in situations where most persons experience pleasure) and related PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from unresolved childhood abuse and trauma.  No, it is not a fancy diagnosis and due to the frequency of hearing the words “anxiety” and “depression” daily in all forms of media…those who are blessed to live without these “quality- of- life suckers,” do not understand the misery of those who struggle from day to day.  Jojo has described her life as:  “I’m just an Oreo cookie without the soft and sweet filling inside… My life started in the darkness of the womb – the first ‘Oreo half” and will end in the darkness of  death – the second ‘Oreo half.'”  She believes that she has been “cheated” by not experiencing any “lightness of life” in between her beginning and her end.

She and I are both hopeful that this “opening up” will help her in some or many ways.

A wonderful American writer, Henry David Thoreau (1817 – 1862)  wrote:

“Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them.”

Jojo tells me that she understands this statement and that if she died today, the majority of her “song” is still within her.   Jojo and I agree that one interpretation of the “song” within us is that gift that each of us has – has been given to us by Almighty God.  We believe that each person’s “song” (gift) is uniquely his/hers and it is each person’s responsibility to use the gift for the benefit of others as well as for our own benefit.

Thinking of Thoreau’s statement regarding “quiet desperation,” what does it mean to be / to feel desperate?  Jojo and I have decided to explain her feelings of desperation like this:  “I think I remember these incidents occurring from the time I was approximately 5 yrs. old.  I grew up in an abusive family.  There were daily arguments and physical fighting.  My brother, sister and I usually had food to eat but  it was rare to get through a meal without screaming, profanity and meanness.  I developed a problem eating – both psychological and physical too.  Because of the constant abuse and threats of beatings and threats of “giving us away” – I started thinking that my parents might try to poison me and so I would not eat until everyone else had taken a bite of everything.  I think the anxiety became physical at this point because when I did put food in my mouth and tried to swallow – I would get choked and could not breath.  Meal time became a time of torture for me and this is when my “food problem” became desperate.  My fears started to pile up on one another.  First, I did not know if there would be food to eat…second, I thought my parents might try to poison me…third, even after I saw that no one was dying after eating the food – my nerves prevented me from being able to swallow normally and I choked frequently.  If that was not enough…I got in trouble for choking.  We were rarely taken to doctors but because I was not eating, I became a really skinny little child.  I remember being taken to see a doctor, but it NEVER OCCURRED TO ME TO TELL THE TRUTH.  To be honest, I do not even remember having a conversation with the doctor.  I think my mother talked for me.  Looking back, maybe she was afraid of what I would say.  The doctor must have told her to feed me what I would eat…so I could drink without choking and therefore, I drank a lot of milk, most things liquid, and soft foods.  Perhaps you see this awful pattern developing in me – in that 5 yr. old girl.  Because then, I became afraid of doctors and any mention of doctors sent my little heart racing.  My brother, sister and I got in trouble when we got sick.  I know that sounds weird to most people, but we were told that it was “all in our heads,” and we had to go to school (or wherever) no matter how we felt.  I have felt trapped and in the control of others all my life.”  In order to maintain confidentiality, I will say that Jojo is between 50 – 60 years old and continues to struggle with anxiety and depression.

Some persons feelings of desperation lead them to despair – a nearly total lack of hope and at these times, people with this personality style hurt themselves with alcohol/drugs or  some persons become suicidal.  Other persons (who have a different personality style) – their feelings of desperation leads them to impulsiveness – acting out without thinking about consequences…these types of people will commit crimes and hurt others.

Jojo wants to thank those of you who read this part of her life story and wishes for readers to know that she has tried to use anti-depressants, but for physical reasons, she cannot take them.  She is able to take a medication for the anxiety and it is helpful to her.  She has been in and out of Therapy and has made a commitment to find a good Therapist and she wants to and prays to have the determination to “find the filling” for her Oreo.

May God bless you and fill all your Oreos,

Macky

In The Presence of Change

Working with people who have been not only self-destructive, but have also destroyed the lives of others…working with these persons who are “testing the waters” of a new and peaceful lifestyle – this is a joyous experience!  Because I have never experimented with drugs, I cannot accurately describe a “high” as others might; however, I can state that – WITHOUT DOUBT – being in the presence of change is one of the most noble…one of the most honorable and blessed experiences of my entire life.

I am so humbly and sincerely thankful that I was called into this work and though I have heard stories that have stolen my rest and created a river of tears – it has all worked to the good; to so much good.

For this is true:  to the same extreme that sadness, disbelief and grief are expressed and experienced when an incarcerated man surrenders his immoral and vicious behaviors…to that same extreme in the other direction (in the direction of pureness and Light) the sadness, disbelief and grief give way (move aside and create a pathway)  to purpose in life, happiness, and an ability to tolerate the flow (the days of good as well as the days of challenge) of life.

The joy is nearly breathtaking when men who were once perpetrators of the weak become Protectors of the Vulnerable.  And not only protectors…but many (I have been honored to witness) have become (and are becoming) the teachers and leaders of those who have heretofore only lived to do harm.

I thank God for His gift to me…His gift to allow me to be the conduit of some of His Words and Teachings.  I thank Him for allowing me to witness some of His fruit as His children (these men locked in prison) break the chains and embrace the Change.

CHAINS OR CHANGE…It’s your choice.

Consider this passage from Psalm 105:  God allowed Joseph (of the Old Testament) to be captured…to be imprisoned and placed in chains.  God allowed this to test and teach His servant, Joseph.

^“17He sent a man before them, even Joseph, who was sold as a servant.

¹⁸His feet they hurt with fetters; he was laid in chains of iron and his soul entered into the iron,

¹⁹Until his word [to his cruel brothers] came true, until the word of the Lord tried and tested him.

²⁰The king sent and loosed him, even the ruler of the peoples, and let him go free.”

Consider what the Bible means when it tells us that Joseph’s soul entered into the iron!!  I think those are a few words that should be thought about and examined thoroughly with our minds and hearts.  Because it is not only chains of iron that bind us…there are many situations in life that bind us and our souls enter into those situations as well.

I will make that the next topic I write on…how our souls (remember your soul is your mind, your will and your emotions) enter into the things/situations that bind us and how this affects our lives.

CHAINS OR CHANGE??

May your souls find peace,

Macky

The Scarecrow Knew!

The Scarecrow knew Dorothy could go home anytime she wanted to, but he DID NOT TELL HER!

Let’s look at this story and see what is really going on!  Everyone that Dorothy became friends with had very serious problems!  Did you ever wonder why she didn’t make friends with at least one “normal” companion on this journey of hers?

Do you ever wonder why YOU seem to attract friends who have a great deal of chaos and trouble in their lives??  Well…I have one of the answers for you!  I am not saying this is the only answer, but it is definitely one of the reasons.

Didn’t you grow up in chaos and trouble?  I know you are out there…  You became accustomed to being around problems and used to having messed up relationships.  Did you enjoy this??  NO, of course not…BUT when you are used to something – you will continue to attract those situations…you will continue to attract those kinds of people into your life.  It feels “normal” to you. For most of us who grew up in dysfunctional families…we have had great difficulty building trust…difficulty keeping good people in our lives…troubled relationships.  I want to point out some wisdom at this point:  Anything you label as “normal” or “alright” in your life – whatever that “thing” is, you will not be able to change it.  You must recognize it as NOT normal in order to become determined to make the needed changes in your life in that area!  It takes so much courage to take a realistic look at your own life and it also takes a lot of time to think things through.

Back to the Scarecrow – just to help make the point!  He seemed lovable and appeared very loyal to Dorothy.  Probably he did care a lot for her…but he knew if she went home – he would be left behind!  He had been isolated all his life…an unattractive and weak “man” whose only job had been to scare other living creatures…not much of a life.  Then this lovely young girl comes into his life and she is so kind.  She was very open about the problems in her life and then those two characters (with their problems) set off on a journey to “find the solutions they needed.”  The Scarecrow had never felt such closeness in a companion and he did not want to lose it.

I believe he knew that Dorothy could go home anytime because he was the character in the movie that was supposed to be the smartest.  I believe he could have figured it out because as it turned out, he was much smarter than the “fake” Wizard of Oz.  The Wizard who turned out to be harmless but a fraud!

As it turned out, the Scarecrow gave in to his selfish desire to keep his friend Dorothy in his life and did not tell her that she could go home at any time.  He was afraid of being alone again…although at the end of the movie, we see that he had made other friends (Tin Man and Lion) and we are left with the hope that they had learned some valuable lessons together on the Yellow Brick Road (the Journey towards Wisdom) that all of us travel in our lives.  Some of us learn – we absorb the Wisdom…sadly…others do not and get off the Good Path.

I can sympathize with the Scarecrow but I cannot agree with his selfish decision.  Throughout the years of my life, I have learned that our Almighty God gives good things to his children who are generous and helpful to one another:

Matthew 7:12
So then, whatever you desire that others would do to and for you, even so do also to and for them, for this is (sums up) the Law and the Prophets.

Generosity is one of my favorite characteristics to find in people I meet.  It is a true gift of spirit.

God Bless you,

Macky

P.S.  This interpretation of The Wizard of Oz is my own creation and I make no claim that the author intended it to be interpreted in this way.

Love for the Tin Man…Love for You..

The Tin Man started in life as a human man and was “in love” with a munchkin woman in the story of the Wizard of Oz.  According to the story, his job was cutting wood and he cut off his own legs with an “magic” axe that was given to him by an enemy.  A merchant, called a tinner made him replacement legs using tin.  Shortly after, Tin Man cut off his own arms and again the tinner replaced his arms with tin.  Next Tin Man cut off his own head; again the tinner replaced his real head with a tin head.  Finally, he cut himself in half which “drained” him completely…after the tinner replaced his body, he was then a totally artificial / superficial empty “man.”

Consider that his enemy was his “Lack of knowledge,” and he created his own pain; he sabotaged himself and through his ignorance, he became an empty “man” and finally a rusted bit of tin trash that could not even move.   I submit to you that the Tin Man was not on a quest for true Love but that he was on a quest for POSSESSIONS. The story states that he was anxious to have a “house and a wife.”  Those words do not indicate that he was searching for Love. He was looking and making preparation for a dwelling and a woman to meet his needs.

Let’s talk about the true nature of Love and then return to the Tin Man.

Having Love is one of life’s greatest gifts.  However, I would never tell anyone that it is easy to find or easy to acquire.  Actually, it is one of the rarest treasures to receive and (in the world we live in…) one of the most difficult treasures to hold on to.  There is so much emptiness in our world…and yet, people are not seeking to find out where they are going wrong.  They keep trying the same old routines of meeting people and creating “relationships” and they are NOT finding Love.  Most are only finding lust and a temporary companion – someone to keep around so that they do not feel lonely.  THIS IS NOT LOVE.

There is a paradox / a kind of contradiction regarding the gift of Love and if this “twist” is not understood and not “followed,” receiving true and lasting Love is not in your future.

If you want true LOVE in your life:  read on…

Receiving Love is a RESULT of living your life and seeking Godly goals. To state the paradox…the contradiction very simply, it is this:

YOU MUST GIVE LOVE BEFORE YOU CAN RECEIVE LOVE

There is a Bible verse that sets us on the right path to having Love in our lives:

1 John 4:8

“Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

If you understand this verse you will understand one of the sacred truths about Love = Love is God and God is Love. This means that “Love” has the nature of BEING ALIVE…it is more than an emotion of enormous feelings of dedication and loyalty to another person. True Love is actually ALIVE. Yes, I know this is hard to understand, but if you will think about it…think a lot about it – then you will know why true Love is so rare. Having true Love in your life also means having the living and Almighty God in your life. It comes down to this very important point:

Having God in your Life means you will never be empty again.

Yes, you will still have challenges, but the heart-breaking emptiness and thoughts that you “just can’t make it,” those will leave. They will leave as you accept the presence of God and begin to live a life of Love – as described in this chapter:

I Corinthians 13 of the Bible is often called the Love Chapter. It explains the nature of Love beautifully:

The Way of Love

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

We can not make any assumptions about the Tin Man’s relationship with God, but we can see that as he began to forget about his own problems and start to help his new found friends…he experienced the fullness of joy; of Love and friendship.

When you begin to live your life knowing that “it’s not about me,” when you look outside yourself and become a giver of (whatever you have) to give…you won’t have to go looking for love…

Love will come to you.

Try it dear friends and may God bless each of you,

Macky

Hope for the Tin Man…

How is it that one of the kindest characters in the Wizard of Oz movie, the Tin Man, did not think he had a heart… but yet all the way through the movie, he was generous, loyal, and protective to all his companions?  At the end of the movie, he was given a symbol of a heart…but it is SO OBVIOUS that he really did have a heart and he was capable of giving so much – he just did not know that about himself.

So many men I work with are like the Tin Man.  Because they have experienced so much loss in their lives, they feel empty inside – they believe they do not have a “heart.”  And because they believe they do not have a “heart,” they go about their lives feeling like something is missing and they go through their lives searching and searching for something to fill the emptiness.

Remember this: You cannot fix an “inside” problem with an “outside” answer!  I am saying, for example, that the problem of loneliness (an inside problem) cannot be fixed by alcohol or drugs or loose sexual activity (an outside “fix”).  All the alcohol, drugs and sex in the world will not heal your emptiness/loneliness.  It will still be there when you sober up / wake up …if you don’t kill yourself with these life-destroying behaviors…  An inside problem must be healed with an inside solution.  Easier said than done?  Maybe…but worth your time and effort to get on the path to healing, health and happiness.

Join me Sunday when we will discuss this further.  THERE IS HOPE FOR YOU MY FRIEND!  God has a plan and a purpose for your life.  Are you willing to seek His face?  Let’s do it together..

God bless you my friends,

Macky

Your own Yellow Brick Road..

For anyone who has watched the movie, “The Wizard of Oz,” you will remember the words Dorothy repeated towards the end of the movie as she clicked the heels of her Ruby Slippers together three times and said: “There’s no place like home!”

But before she had realized that “home” is a wonderful place to be…she had to take a long journey down the “yellow brick road.” The movie doesn’t tell the whole story of Dorothy, but the book (which led to the movie) tells us that Dorothy’s parents had died when she was a baby. And even though it appears that she was well taken care of by her Auntie Em and her uncle…well…her life was somewhat sad and dark. Her aunt and uncle appeared tired and did not have smiling faces. We can imagine that a young girl like Dorothy was lonely and sad. She was faced with the loss of the only living being that appeared to show love and loyalty to her – her dog Toto.  Her cruel and cranky neighbor was having her beloved dog taken away, which was why Dorothy was running away.  She could not face her empty life without her one true friend.

The movie reflected Dorothy’s sad mood at the beginning of the story. Remember the movie started in black and white before later (in Munchkin Land) started to broadcast in beautiful and cheerful color? Remember the dark and dangerous tornado that sent Dorothy’s family into the cellar…everyone except Dorothy and her beloved dog Toto. I have often wondered how any loving family could stop searching for the child in their care and go into the cellar without her. As a parent, I can tell you that I would not have stopped looking!

Many of us had rough starts in our lives…dark and lonely years without very much love or loyalty from the people around us. Obviously we got enough to eat and had an adequate roof over our heads (we are still here..) but we too probably often wanted to run away…we wanted a better life than what we were experiencing.

I think one good interpretation of the yellow brick road is that it is the path to maturity and wisdom.
And it is normal that – along the way in our lives – we pick up other persons who have similar challenges…people we have things in common with. Dorothy met a man who was on a path to fill the emptiness of his head (the Scarecrow); she and the Scarecrow met and welcomed the Tin Man to join in their journey – as he was looking to fill the emptiness of his chest…he believed he needed a heart. Finally, the three travelers met the Cowardly Lion whose personality lacked the courage that was required of his role as a mighty Lion. So our brave foursome, Dorothy who needed a home and her four hopeful friends stepped onto the path of maturity and wisdom.

The goal of their journey was to find the man who could give them the desires of their hearts – a man they had heard about: The Wizard of Oz. So many of us are looking for that person in our lives…the person with all the answers. But, my friends, the Wizard of Oz had no power and no other person on this earth has any such power either. WHAT A WONDERFUL LESSON OUR FOUR BRAVE “FRIENDS” LEARNED!! It is important to know that there is no human being that has all the answers. We can help each other and share the lessons we have learned on our own yellow brick roads; but, it is true wisdom to know that no human has all the answers!

As you continue on your path; as you continue down your Yellow Brick Road, you can – if you WILL – become more and more mature. You will look to almighty God for your wisdom and as we go through life gathering and pondering the life lessons from our friends and relatives, we will learn to make wise / well thought-out decisions and we, like Dorothy and her fellow-travelers, will realize that we had the knowledge all along: we have a home (home is where the heart is); we have a brain (we just need to learn how to use it wisely before we engage in behavior); we have a heart (we have to be willing to be vulnerable…we must not let a childhood that lacked love and encouragement stop us now from having a loving life ourselves!) We have courage (if we believe in the gifts that almighty God has placed inside of us…if we believe in ourselves and refuse to be afraid of what people can do to us.) This courage will give us the strength to step up and do the right thing; to live a life of integrity and truth when the whole world is soaking up the evil things that are offered by society – life-destroying addictions; sexual depravity; violence…both verbal and physical, etc, etc.

You can make your home joyous regardless of where you are. You may think that you do not have a home unless you are making mortgage payments. Not true! If you rent the smallest apartment ever built or if you live in a boarding house – WHATEVER – you have a home and you have the knowledge (like Dorothy) to make it your “home” whenever you have traveled far enough down your Yellow Brick Road to have gained wisdom and maturity. Not there yet? Do not give up!! Keep traveling…keep learning…look to God and His son, Jesus Christ. Read your Bible and live a life that is honorable and pure.

How much more does God take care of you if he takes care of His animals:

Psalm 84:3
“Even the sparrow finds a home,and the swallow a nest for herself,where she may lay her young,at your altars, O LORD of hosts, my King and my God.”

I pray that your journey is whatever it needs to be in order to bring you great wisdom, maturity, peace and joy,

Macky

Thriving…a Lifestyle For All

As our regular readers know, our work is focused on those men who have committed sexually deviant offenses in their past and are in prison.  I have not yet written a post on the negative comments we receive on a regular basis and all the open hostility we endure from our co-workers…and from others who learn about the challenges that we have dedicated our lives to reaching.  It is disappointing and heart-wrenching to be judged cruelly but it does not hinder our determination to fulfill our goals.

When I first started doing this work, I was SHOCKED (and I admit that I was naive regardless of my age) that my co-workers would be so openly judgmental regarding the career-choice of those of us who choose to do this work.  It did not occur to me that my character would be linked to the men I teach…to those that I (and my fellow Counselors) endeavor to lead…those for whom we patiently stand and hold the light at the end of the tunnel for those men who have recognized the wretchedness of their past mistakes.  They are are nearly all of their waking hours for two years or more…working their way up (and sometimes down) the “tunnel” on their way to making the greatest change of their lives.  Not every man makes it – unfortunate but true – but as my colleagues and I witness the dedication with which the majority of these men tackle the hardest work of their lives, we often stand in awe.  The phrase “blood, sweat and tears” is appropriate in the case of so many of the men who achieve the end result of the Program.  We have what we call “Transition Ceremonies,” for those who successfully complete all the mind-bending and TRULY LIFE CHANGING tasks.  The majority of these men work harder during this Program than the entirety of the work they did to get through High School.  (To be all inclusive – we usually have college graduates in every group…many times there are professional men such as lawyers, doctors, school teachers, college professors, and every other job or profession you can mention.)  They too have had to work harder and this is the reason it is more difficult:  For the first time, they are facing life / working (mentally, emotionally and physically) in group and are for the first time are TELLING THE TRUTH about what they have done.  All (YES, ALL) new group members are held accountable to the TRUTH of their crime of incarceration and within a few months, those who will be successful have begun their new life of “Telling The Truth.”  Before groups are finished, we have been assured time and time and time again by these men the the saying, “The Truth will set you free,” is INDEED TRUE.  To witness these men making these fundamental changes in their lives is (for a Counselor) one of the greatest joys imaginable!  As difficult as the tasks are, no members of our team would trade professions or consider throwing in the towel regardless of the social negativity we encounter.

We said Good-Bye to a transitioning group last week and for some of our group members, their successful completion allowed them to leave prison with their family members on that day of transition.    What a joyful time for those group members and their families.  And though we are hesitant to use the word “proud,” we are – in the best possible way – proud of each man and the dedication each had to do the work and the continued dedication that each man continues to have.  They will continue to “work their program” even though they are free men.

For those who are curious, the recidivism rate of treated sex offenders in our state is approximately 3%.  It is the lowest recidivism rate of any crime committed here.  We are extremely pleased regarding these statistics.

We have a phase that is titled “Empathy,” and one of the objectives to reaching empathy is to “Thrive during persecution.”  We teach the men that it is not enough to just survive persecution; but they must actually THRIVE during persecution!  In other words, encountering persecution is an OPPORTUNITY TO GROW!

We know that as these men re-enter society, they will encounter much persecution and we believe that as they put this teaching in practice, they will continue to increase their personal  integrity and grow in wisdom.

As Counselors who lead and teach these men, we too practice the objective of thriving during persecution and in fact, we feel a certain sympathy for those colleagues of ours who are not challenged and then thrilled with the results of their professional endeavors.

Matthew 5:10:

Blessed and happy and enviably fortunate and spiritually prosperous (in the state in which the born-again child of God enjoys and finds satisfaction in God’s favor and salvation, regardless of his outward conditions) are those who are persecuted for righteousness’ sake (for being and doing right), for theirs is the kingdom of heaven!

Our prayer for you is that the work of your hands (and minds) be blessed and we publicly thank God for the honor of doing His work!

Macky

I’m a Broken Man…Healing..

If you ask me, “What is the most important thing on this earth?” One of my top answers would be RELATIONSHIPS. Good relationships are able to heal a vast amount of pain and fill a great deal of the EMPTINESS that so many people experience.

When you think of what makes life worth while; when you think of things that bring you joy and happiness; when you think of the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night….don’t the things you think about have a lot to do with the relationships you have in your life?

If you are feeling EMPTY much of the time; my guess is that you are having difficulties in the relationships you have or that you do not have very many quality relationships. Without someone to share your joy, your pain, your boredom, your successes, your failures…your everything – you would indeed feel empty, lonely, and eventually depressed.

I work with men who have come from childhoods and backgrounds of inadequate or downright bad relationships as they were growing up. They were not shown appropriate affection and loving attention…they were not made to feel that they are special and unique individuals. They rarely had the full focus of a loving caregiver who told him/her that: “You are the joy of my life!” I know how this feels because I also did not experience a loving childhood. THIS IS HOW I KNOW THAT YOU CAN HEAL…BECAUSE I DID AND I WORK WITH PERSONS WHO ARE HEALING AND CHANGING THEIR LIVES!!

I hope this encourages you. You do not have to sit alone and feel isolated and think that no one cares. Do not wait for someone to come find you – please do not wait. Get yourself all shined up and go out to a church meeting…go to an AA meeting…look in your local newspaper and find the free support groups in your area. There will be something that fits well enough for you to get out and meet some people. If you have family and you have not been communicating with them – it might be a good time to reconnect with them. Be careful not to stir up any old arguments with family or friends. Anyone you speak with…let them know that you are “turning over a new leaf,” and that you “need and want good relationships in your life.” Let them know that you are not reconnecting to stir up any old problems or disagreements!

People DO need people, as the song says. Of course, first and foremost, we need God in our lives; therefore, before you seek out other relationships – first (if you need to) renew your relationship with God.

Proverbs 27:9:
Oil and perfume rejoice the heart; so does the sweetness of a friend’s counsel that comes from the heart.

I am praying for you as you renew your Relationship with God and as you reach out to others. You will be blessed.

Walk in peace,
Macky

I’m A Broken Man…

The most common subject that people use to find this (or another website) is the subject of “FEELING EMPTY.”

Even though I did not know that for certain when I started this blog – God knew it and thus the name of this website:  Empty No More.

Life is a lonely place if you do not have a couple of things going on for you: You need to be able to 1) Communicate well, and 2) understand the do’s and don’ts of Relationships. Without relationships, life is indeed EMPTY and these feelings of emptiness can make a person depressed and anxious. Is this YOU?

I invite you back this weekend to read some good things about communication and relationships. I felt the need to inform someone out there that “help is on the way.” Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask someone for help…I promise you – there are people in our society who care and the Love of Almighty God is flowing over you as I sit here writing…hit your knees…bow your head…surrender yourself.

Hang on dear friend..
God Bless you,

Macky

Run and Hide…Ever Feel Like It?

Many men that I counsel sooner or later tell me their desire to “run and hide.”  I have heard many stories about a “cabin in the woods.”  There is nothing wrong with a cabin but leaving society is not the answer.

I believe that many of these men have felt this way all their lives and this is one of the reasons they got into trouble.  They did not communicate openly with a family member or a friend.  Yes, I have had men tell me that their family members did not care or were not there and that… somehow…life had not provided them with friends.  These are very sad stories to hear.  But that stuffing of thoughts and feelings is a sure fire method to get yourself in trouble.

If you are out there thinking about or wanting to live a life of criminality and/or deviancy, you must find someone that you can trust to talk with.  You must open you mind and heart; you can let the poison out and allow the healing to begin.  I recommend a good Counselor if you can find and/or afford one.  Many times there are preachers or priests who are able to do counseling.  Remember also that there are community mental health centers that charge according to income – find someone to talk with as soon as possible.  Don’t run and hide.

If you are already trapped in a life of criminality and/or deviancy – I suggest you get a lawyer and turn yourself in.  Perhaps you think that is a stupid thing to do – if you haven’t been CAUGHT, why should you turn yourself in?  Because you now have a debt to pay my friend.  Pay it and get on the path to becoming an honorable person.  Don’t run and hide.

If you have already paid your debt to society for your crimes and you are now re-establishing yourself in society – congratulations!  I talk often with men who are now back in society.  All of them go through ups and downs; but by far, the majority of them are still “taking the high road” and are determined to be men of integrity!  Yes, there were times when they too wanted to run and hide.

“Those who forsake the law (of God and man) praise the wicked, but those who keep the law (of God and man) contend with them.  Evil men do not understand justice, but they who crave and seek the Lord understand it fully.  Whoever keeps the law (of God and man) is a wise son, but he who is a companion of gluttons and the carousing, self-indulgent, and extravagant shames his father….He who covers his transgressions will not prosper, but whoever confesses and forsakes his sins will obtain mercy.”  Proverbs 28: 4-7, 13

Seek His mercy my friends…He, God, will be with you always.

May you feel His love,

Macky